Hey sexy,
Glad you could make it back! It's about 1:38 am this Sunday morning and I felt like sharing. Who knows I think I might be in the mood to even write more than one post. Have you ever heard of the saying life is what you make of it? And also "life isn't fair" you as a person fall into two categories you can either be a part of the "life is what you make of it, I like having fun let's get shit accomplished at the same time" or you can be a part of "life isn't fair, life's a bitch I'm sad because I was born this way or I never have good days anymore I like to mope around and want people to do all my work and make it easier on me" I used to be such a pessimistic person. Not even like all the time but just knowing that I grew up having these bad habit (because they are) really changed my life. It wasn't always something big but I used to have these ridiculous tantrums over the silliest things.
Take for instance when someone is driving and they have a really bad brake habit. (Alex) usually when Alex would brake my entire body would fling forward and I'd have a mini heart attack my butthole tightens up and I forget to breath. Every single time it never fails. But still every single time I would get really irritated like "what the fuck Alex like can you not just learn how to lighten up on a fucking foot pedal" I'd get pissed cause in my mind I'm like holy shit Alex do you not care about our well beings and this sexy ass face of mine I can't afford any scars. ;) no but seriously our lives are at risk lol I just feel a bit disrespected put some respek on my name.
So anyways I've come to the realization Alex just has a bad habit. It is what it is. That's just Alex. If I want Alex to change I have to first point it out to him there's a problem. " hey Alex I kinda don't like when you brake so forcefully especially at random cause my asshole tightens and I don't like the feeling, if you could try remembering to lighten up maybe even pay more attention to the road id be extremely grateful" Alex will either 1 under stand and really concentrate on fixing it. Be patient it may take some time but seriously remember to just realize bad habits at first are a bit hard to hange at first but the willingness to talk about it is usually all it takes. Or two think your opinion is stupid and if that's the case anyone willing to think anything that came from your beautiful mind is stupid why are you with him or her. That isn't right.
I learned to just deal with it I don't complain anymore I'm just chillen making sure we're still alive after each brake but maybe I should tell him it's not safe. Oh well Alex if your reading this please relax with your mini anxiety attacks on the road your vibes get passed through me.
Also I can't stress how important to you to not sweat the small stuff. There is nothing put into your life you cannot handle. It took me a very long time to believe these words myself. I promise you it's easy for someone to ask you not to do something but when you actually witness a person not sweat the small stuff in real life you realize yourself why it is that you really shouldn't. Which I will go on by saying. People will NOT do as they are told people do as they are taught.! I CAN TELL YOU ALL DAY MONEY IS NOTHING TO STRESS ABOUT. But until you see that I really mean money is great to save and horrible to waste and you have to be responsible with money but not really center your life around materialistic things if you have having to spend food money to buy the new Celine purse you wanted. That's just a little irresponsible which is ok. It's ok to be itrespsoible some people find that like cool, making mementoes , living life on the edge, taking chances. Idk whatever it is but yeah moral of the story was to not stress anything :) and teach people don't just tell them it's polite. Try it out!
Monday, May 16, 2016
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Badbutt update
Well well well, so
We meet again.
I haven't been on the internet much. :) Hilarious! So excited you have come back to read another post of mine! My mind has been wandering all over the place. Ok so here it is I'm not sure if this experience is crazier than my whole Getting out of the military then driving from Colorado to ft Myers Florida with my old friend king Badbutt then ft Myers Florida to Los Angeles with 35 bucks to my name. while being homeless amongst it all. I remember I wanted to start school so bad that I told my mom if worse comes to worse I'll just stay in the woman's homeless shelter until things got solid but I knew I'd find a couch to crash on somehow.
So I quit college this week. And mentally I seriously went crazy for about 3 days. Couldn't get out of bed, couldn't stop crying, couldn't eat, couldn't find it in my body to get up and do something productive. I quite honestly felt forced to even post on social media but at the same time felt horrible for not being able to produce any good content. But I came to the realization of something.
I could and should have been more responsible in school. School is very important! I love learning in school so much I learned to live without my cellphone.(probably one of my biggest lessons I've learned in life so far) I used to even have an addiction to my cellphone & I would never put it down especially at the dinner table. (Everyone hated this about me) my excuse would always be so what it's my job But anyhow, school isn't where my heart is it. It just seriously isn't I don't believe that not graduating will effect my future . Of course I should/could have finished it out but Currently I'm dealing with more serious issues than what passes the eye. It's crazy because next week is the last class of the semester. ( ultimately realized even though I loved school I was probably only trying to finish it because I knew it was something that would make my mom proud and that's just something I want to do)
Let me explain a little of what my school experience felt like to me. Here I am fresh out of the army 22 years old 155 pounds. what most call "ghetto Mexican" new in a private school located in the family orientated location of Burbank California very timid and a bit shy. Going into New York film academy I knew what I wanted the most was to meet people. Coolest part of my school was that they were all foreigners. Slovenian, Chinese, Vietnamese, some from Lebanon , Even Australian. It was amazing such a nice fresh breath of air but I felt a bit intimated my mind has never been put in a predicament where I've ever had to interact with people like them. I wasn't even supposed to make it this far. For all I know I should have been back home in fort Myers Florida still working at the local flea market I could have been an alcoholic or addicted to some sort of insane drug. ( I have two brothers one dealt with alcoholism and the other with a drug addiction one is in prison now ) mind you I'm an idiot sometimes too my brothers situation gets way deeper I'll probably talk about that some other time if you want to know. So anyways meeting these new people to me seemed like a mission waiting to be accomplished
I knew I was nervous but I knew I could eventually win there hearts over.
And so it begun I loved learning about everyone's culture and where they came from it was different the people who I ended hating the first days of school ended up being my closest friends. I met Alex on the first day of school and we became friends right that very moment. He changed my life I starting dressing less provocative. And annunciation my words properly. First semester flew by so fast I was ready to take on second semester. 1st semester couldn't have been any more perfect. Everyone was getting along let's get this straight I have 22 students in my damn class Alex drops out beginning of 2nd semester and goes to LA FILM to study music. Kids in class start forming there tiny little squads. Then you realize the gifted kids all want to work together what a surprise I didn't mind it was cool you know but I wouldn't have mind learning from them lol school is about learning and experiencing and building connections for the workbase to come. These kids were so immature I mean I'm immature as hell but even though I'm immature I'm polite. And I'm humble. Unless you push the wrong bottoms but that was the old me. I'm the smart one I'll learn from anyone there's enough resources in the world I'll share anything with you if you can share anything new with me. But some were just too immature to realize these are the baby steps to the industry. We have to think big now might as well. Think of what you want to be now then do something everyday to work towards it. Your talent Can be great but who you know sometimes may take you further. (Note I said sometimes )
Anyways I've tried explains to the students on multiple occasions they were unfair and a few things they did just needed to be dropped. I would walk into the class and the entire class would seriously go quiet. Alot became uneasy around my presence. I mean I'm honored but come on now lol I just want a good chilled vibe class the vibes were so off at times I even didn't want to go to school . My wise friend told me anything that makes you unhappy you can either do one of two things stay or go. Fundraising for my movie wasn't properly executed. It was rushed and not written with complete passion I want to do this over. This right here is my new start. This was my wakeup call to life. The beautiful start of a new beginning I went through a three month creative block and overcame so many self worth obstacles but now I am ready to rock and roll and kick anyone's ass. (Not literally I'm a lover not a fighter ... Maybe) My face might be gone from social media for a while but you'll see the difference when I pop up again :)
We meet again.
I haven't been on the internet much. :) Hilarious! So excited you have come back to read another post of mine! My mind has been wandering all over the place. Ok so here it is I'm not sure if this experience is crazier than my whole Getting out of the military then driving from Colorado to ft Myers Florida with my old friend king Badbutt then ft Myers Florida to Los Angeles with 35 bucks to my name. while being homeless amongst it all. I remember I wanted to start school so bad that I told my mom if worse comes to worse I'll just stay in the woman's homeless shelter until things got solid but I knew I'd find a couch to crash on somehow.
So I quit college this week. And mentally I seriously went crazy for about 3 days. Couldn't get out of bed, couldn't stop crying, couldn't eat, couldn't find it in my body to get up and do something productive. I quite honestly felt forced to even post on social media but at the same time felt horrible for not being able to produce any good content. But I came to the realization of something.
I could and should have been more responsible in school. School is very important! I love learning in school so much I learned to live without my cellphone.(probably one of my biggest lessons I've learned in life so far) I used to even have an addiction to my cellphone & I would never put it down especially at the dinner table. (Everyone hated this about me) my excuse would always be so what it's my job But anyhow, school isn't where my heart is it. It just seriously isn't I don't believe that not graduating will effect my future . Of course I should/could have finished it out but Currently I'm dealing with more serious issues than what passes the eye. It's crazy because next week is the last class of the semester. ( ultimately realized even though I loved school I was probably only trying to finish it because I knew it was something that would make my mom proud and that's just something I want to do)
Let me explain a little of what my school experience felt like to me. Here I am fresh out of the army 22 years old 155 pounds. what most call "ghetto Mexican" new in a private school located in the family orientated location of Burbank California very timid and a bit shy. Going into New York film academy I knew what I wanted the most was to meet people. Coolest part of my school was that they were all foreigners. Slovenian, Chinese, Vietnamese, some from Lebanon , Even Australian. It was amazing such a nice fresh breath of air but I felt a bit intimated my mind has never been put in a predicament where I've ever had to interact with people like them. I wasn't even supposed to make it this far. For all I know I should have been back home in fort Myers Florida still working at the local flea market I could have been an alcoholic or addicted to some sort of insane drug. ( I have two brothers one dealt with alcoholism and the other with a drug addiction one is in prison now ) mind you I'm an idiot sometimes too my brothers situation gets way deeper I'll probably talk about that some other time if you want to know. So anyways meeting these new people to me seemed like a mission waiting to be accomplished
I knew I was nervous but I knew I could eventually win there hearts over.
And so it begun I loved learning about everyone's culture and where they came from it was different the people who I ended hating the first days of school ended up being my closest friends. I met Alex on the first day of school and we became friends right that very moment. He changed my life I starting dressing less provocative. And annunciation my words properly. First semester flew by so fast I was ready to take on second semester. 1st semester couldn't have been any more perfect. Everyone was getting along let's get this straight I have 22 students in my damn class Alex drops out beginning of 2nd semester and goes to LA FILM to study music. Kids in class start forming there tiny little squads. Then you realize the gifted kids all want to work together what a surprise I didn't mind it was cool you know but I wouldn't have mind learning from them lol school is about learning and experiencing and building connections for the workbase to come. These kids were so immature I mean I'm immature as hell but even though I'm immature I'm polite. And I'm humble. Unless you push the wrong bottoms but that was the old me. I'm the smart one I'll learn from anyone there's enough resources in the world I'll share anything with you if you can share anything new with me. But some were just too immature to realize these are the baby steps to the industry. We have to think big now might as well. Think of what you want to be now then do something everyday to work towards it. Your talent Can be great but who you know sometimes may take you further. (Note I said sometimes )
Anyways I've tried explains to the students on multiple occasions they were unfair and a few things they did just needed to be dropped. I would walk into the class and the entire class would seriously go quiet. Alot became uneasy around my presence. I mean I'm honored but come on now lol I just want a good chilled vibe class the vibes were so off at times I even didn't want to go to school . My wise friend told me anything that makes you unhappy you can either do one of two things stay or go. Fundraising for my movie wasn't properly executed. It was rushed and not written with complete passion I want to do this over. This right here is my new start. This was my wakeup call to life. The beautiful start of a new beginning I went through a three month creative block and overcame so many self worth obstacles but now I am ready to rock and roll and kick anyone's ass. (Not literally I'm a lover not a fighter ... Maybe) My face might be gone from social media for a while but you'll see the difference when I pop up again :)
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Change is good
Hey love,
So a couple of questions have come about , why don't I post as much on Instagram, why don't I make skits anymore, and why have I changed.
I have this crazy theory I always have crazy theories about how life works. ME I just feel like since I grew up in what I believe was a low income household my mind set was really open to the possibilities life holds. If someone was to tell me a person could make 10k a month and that not even be enough I would flip out and say that's insane. Visiting new places and meeting different types of people who come from different walks is so beautiful everyone I meet rubs off on me in some way. It keeps me very open minded. And ... I CONSTANTLY CHANGE.
So one, I changed because I learn .. I've learned so much Los Angeles human interaction I believe I've even started to dress differently I started feeling uncomfortable in front of cameras in general unless I'm being funny I think I'm getting most in the personailty category but every now and then I know I have to embrace who I'm becoming. The whole beach photos hoot I did I was so uncomfortable the whole time I guess there are moments I still want to be sexy but for the most part I like dressing modest or even tom boy ish. This transition was so hard for me especially with a fan base because everyone notices and they always bring it up. I feel nervous about this change because for the people who don't know me. Are most likely gonna bring every wild thing I've done in my life.
You know when people bring up your past when they see you're trying to change for the better.
2 why don't I post on Instagram . School.
I have time for very minimal , I'm also trying to lose weight I don't think I wanna place myself in front of a camera until I reach my goal. I'm an open book. There isn't much to me if I feel a certain way I say it if you make me feel a certain way I'm gonna tell you. Before moving to LA I had been reminded about my weight gain but I really didn't see it since I saw myself everyday. But the close I got to LA , then moving to LA . Everyone I felt was constantly reminding me that I was overweight " hey I want you on my show but you have to lose 15 pounds" , "wow I would love to shoot you hit me up in 10 pounds" "you don't have the look we're going for " I feel like at that time in my life I was practically being hammered 24 /7 about my appearance it kinda just stuck. I look in the mirror and see change for a bit but then something happens where I feel like I'm never going to lose enough.
I love myself though I love my body I love being thick and my big muscular legs, big butt and pretty toned tummy. I just hate that I love pleasing everyone and when people tell me they don't like my look I'm so open to changing it because I'm like a chameleon. I don't mind change so idk it's a very confusing concept.
Anyways hope you guys are good what else would you like to know
So a couple of questions have come about , why don't I post as much on Instagram, why don't I make skits anymore, and why have I changed.
I have this crazy theory I always have crazy theories about how life works. ME I just feel like since I grew up in what I believe was a low income household my mind set was really open to the possibilities life holds. If someone was to tell me a person could make 10k a month and that not even be enough I would flip out and say that's insane. Visiting new places and meeting different types of people who come from different walks is so beautiful everyone I meet rubs off on me in some way. It keeps me very open minded. And ... I CONSTANTLY CHANGE.
So one, I changed because I learn .. I've learned so much Los Angeles human interaction I believe I've even started to dress differently I started feeling uncomfortable in front of cameras in general unless I'm being funny I think I'm getting most in the personailty category but every now and then I know I have to embrace who I'm becoming. The whole beach photos hoot I did I was so uncomfortable the whole time I guess there are moments I still want to be sexy but for the most part I like dressing modest or even tom boy ish. This transition was so hard for me especially with a fan base because everyone notices and they always bring it up. I feel nervous about this change because for the people who don't know me. Are most likely gonna bring every wild thing I've done in my life.
You know when people bring up your past when they see you're trying to change for the better.
2 why don't I post on Instagram . School.
I have time for very minimal , I'm also trying to lose weight I don't think I wanna place myself in front of a camera until I reach my goal. I'm an open book. There isn't much to me if I feel a certain way I say it if you make me feel a certain way I'm gonna tell you. Before moving to LA I had been reminded about my weight gain but I really didn't see it since I saw myself everyday. But the close I got to LA , then moving to LA . Everyone I felt was constantly reminding me that I was overweight " hey I want you on my show but you have to lose 15 pounds" , "wow I would love to shoot you hit me up in 10 pounds" "you don't have the look we're going for " I feel like at that time in my life I was practically being hammered 24 /7 about my appearance it kinda just stuck. I look in the mirror and see change for a bit but then something happens where I feel like I'm never going to lose enough.
I love myself though I love my body I love being thick and my big muscular legs, big butt and pretty toned tummy. I just hate that I love pleasing everyone and when people tell me they don't like my look I'm so open to changing it because I'm like a chameleon. I don't mind change so idk it's a very confusing concept.
Anyways hope you guys are good what else would you like to know
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